When someone with dementia wants to go home: what to say and do

Why does someone with dementia want to go home?

A person with dementia wanting to go home, often while sitting in the house they have lived in for decades, is one of the most common and heartbreaking moments in dementia care. It tends to happen in the late afternoon and evening, and it can repeat night after night.

It helps to know that your loved one is not being difficult, and you have not failed to make them comfortable. Their brain is trying to make sense of feelings it can no longer explain. The most common reasons include:

• Home is a feeling, not a place. "Home" often stands for safety, comfort, and belonging. When someone feels anxious or lost, asking for home is their way of saying "I don't feel right."
• Time-shifting. Dementia can pull a person back to an earlier time in their life. They may be looking for a childhood home, a house they raised children in, or parents who are waiting for them.
• Old obligations. Some people feel they need to pick up the kids, get home to cook dinner, or finish a shift at work.
• Late-day anxiety. Confusion and restlessness often rise as daylight fades, a pattern known as sundowning.
• Unfamiliar surroundings. A recent move, a hospital stay, a new care home, or even rearranged furniture can make a place feel strange.
• Unmet needs. Pain, hunger, thirst, needing the toilet, tiredness, boredom, or loneliness can all come out as "I want to go home."

What to say when a person with dementia wants to go home

The goal is not to convince them where they are. It's to help them feel safe enough that the urge to leave fades. A simple four-step approach works for many families:

1. 1

   Acknowledge the feeling

   "You want to go home. You've had a long day." Hearing their wish repeated back calmly tells them you're on their side.

2. 2

   Ask about home

   "Tell me about your home. What's your favorite room?" This is gentle reminiscence, and it often reveals what they're really missing.

3. 3

   Reassure them they're safe

   "You're safe here with me. I'll stay with you." Short, warm, repeated as often as needed.

4. 4

   Redirect to something comforting

   Once they feel heard, offer a cup of tea, a photo album, a favorite song, or a small task you can do together.

What not to do

• Don't argue or prove it. Showing mail with their address or pointing out their furniture usually increases distress rather than easing it.
• Don't break painful news. Telling someone that a parent or spouse died can make them grieve as if for the first time. Talk about that person and that time in their life instead.
• Don't build elaborate stories. A complicated invented explanation can backfire later. Short, vague, kind responses such as "Let's rest a bit first" are usually enough.
• Don't physically block or restrain them unless there's immediate danger. Restraint tends to increase fear and the risk of injury for both of you.
• Don't take it personally. "I want to go home" is not a verdict on the care you give. It's a symptom of the disease.

Redirection ideas that often help

Keep a short list of what works for your person, and have the items ready before late afternoon. Ideas families use:

• Look through a photo album or a memory box of objects from their past.
• Put on music from their teens and twenties.
• Ask for help with a familiar task: folding towels, setting the table, sorting buttons, watering plants.
• Share a warm drink and a snack at the kitchen table.
• Go for a short walk together, then come back in through the front door. Sometimes the "journey" itself settles the feeling.
• Offer a comfort object, like a soft blanket, a favorite cardigan, or a pet.
• Bring in a familiar voice. A call from a son, daughter, or sibling can reassure in a way that nothing else does. Hamton was built for this moment: when the family alerts it, your loved one gets a call from a familiar voice that uses validation and gentle redirection.

Exit seeking in dementia: if they try to leave

When wanting to go home turns into heading for the door with a coat and bag, it's often called exit seeking. The Alzheimer's Association lists trying or wanting to "go home" even when at home as a common warning sign that a person may wander.

1. 1

   Stay calm and go with them

   Rather than blocking the door, walk alongside them. Agree with the feeling: "Let's go together."

2. 2

   Redirect along the way

   After a few minutes, suggest turning back for a drink, a jacket, or a rest. Many people will happily return once the feeling has passed.

3. 3

   Make exits safer in advance

   Consider door chimes, locks placed high or low out of sight, and keeping car keys, coats, and bags out of view. Never lock a person living with dementia in the house alone.

4. 4

   Plan for the worst day

   Make sure they carry ID, keep a recent photo handy, and let neighbors know. Our dementia wandering guide covers this in detail.

When wanting to go home signals something else

Usually, asking to go home is part of the everyday pattern of dementia. Talk to their doctor or care team if:

• It starts suddenly, along with new confusion, drowsiness, or agitation. This can be delirium, often caused by an infection, dehydration, constipation, or a medication change.
• They seem to be in pain, aren't eating or drinking, or aren't sleeping at night.
• The distress is escalating into agitation or aggression that's hard to settle.
• It began after a move and isn't easing over the following weeks.

If it happens most evenings, look for patterns in naps, lighting, noise, and routine. Our guide to preventing sundowning walks through practical changes, and how to calm sundowning covers what to do once an episode has started.

Answering the same question every evening is exhausting. If it's wearing you down, please read our guide to caregiver burnout. Your wellbeing matters too.

Frequently asked questions